Loved Me Back To Life


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Well I think it's safe to say that the spirit  of Christmas  has hit me. I not only made the above picture my screen saver on my phone, but also decorated the house.

I've always loved Christmas, however some years are very difficult for me. This time last year my husband Martin put up the tree only, because  I was severely depressed.

I started to withdraw from my friends and family for days at a time. I had never felt this kind depression before. By Christmas I simply just couldn't  take life anymore. It was then that I spent weeks in bed. I really didn't understand  what was happening to me. I felt like life wasn't worth it anymore.

I just thank God I kept holding on to what faith I had. If it was not for him saving me  I'd  be dead today. I really prayed for death every single day.

I thank God things happened the way they did, it may have caused me to lose my friends, but at least I have a whole new take on life. Trust me I have bad days with this bipolar depression but at least my outlook is different. I stopped trying to please the world and concentrated on me. It was truly the only way I'd get better. It cost me my friends and I almost lost my family but thankfully they still love me.

I guess when your really down and out and trying recover, that's when you find out who's truly there for however long it takes for you to get well. And it took me months and months but I guess I pushed everyone away by wanting to be alone. I just couldn't get people  to understand that I  couldn't  help myself to feel different. I wanted  to be ok but my mind wouldn't let me.

It's a year later now and things are different for me. I've learned  to take any and all happiness that comes my way. I'm so thankful to my father and his son Jesus for sparing me and my family the terrible thing as suicide. I sometimes can't  believe that I  was so sick that I  wished for death everyday and almost made that possible.

It's so different this year for the holidays. For the first time in many years I'm actually looking forward to it. I've learned to except the fact that certain family members will be with me if they really want to, and if they don't that's fine to. As long as I have my husband and all my fur babies I can and will survive. I will just pray for those I love who feel different, that no matter what maybe someday things will be ok and if not at least I had hope.

Hope and faith is everything. Having that in life is everything you need to help you survive bipolar depression.



Wellness Ideas for Better Mental Health

Finding ways to have a better Mental Status is easy for some and some not so easy for others but should be a priority to help us with having good mental health. I put together some  tips that will help you in hopes that you will try to have a better understanding of how important a mental status should be.

  1. Treat yourself with kindness-this a hard thing to do when you are already down on yourself, however take a step back and do things for yourself in a kind way like you would for others.
  2. Say no when you need to-some of us have problems saying no and we are either to kind or afraid of the our come. The first time I said no I felt empowered and It was a relief to be able to do it. so just do it you’ll feel a 10 times better afterwards.
  3. Step out of your comfort zone-have you ever wanted to do something but was  afraid of the outcome or you feared it to much. Take one mal step and one thing your afraid of. Afterwards it’s a relief. It may be scary doing this but afterwards the relief is such a great feeling that your ready to tackle another fear.
  4. Don’t compare yourself to others-never do this,you are unique and you are special and a wonderful as the person you are. Don’t ever try to be someone else, the consequences of this is only failure.
  5. Embrace your mistakes, they don’t define you, alway accept your mistakes and look at them as a learning experience. Learning is what makes us a better person.
  6. Get outside-some of us who are  fearful of this, however you have to force yourselves to go outside. I know this as it is a  daily struggle for even myself sometimes. But I promise the sun, sights,smells and the view will make you feel better no matter what kind of weather is outside. If it’s raining get an umbrella and embrace the rain. Think of it as washing away all the things and problems that stress you. This is good I promise.
  7. Make early sleep a priority-as a bipolar person, rest didn’t come easy for me at times. I found myself taking medicine that made me a zombie the next day in order to sleep. I have since stopped taking all these meds, get up around 5 or 5;30 every morning make my bed before I do anything, meditate,exercise, journal, then I start the and will do small projects each day in clean the house. I work on my website, do social media some, and by the end of the day around 6 o’clock a take melatonin for sleep and by 9 I so ready for bed and fall asleep better. I was never able to do this before. I would spend days at a time up all night. It was so exhausting.
  8. Make fun a priority and laugh-schedule in an hr everyday and do something that makes you laugh and have fun. If you don’t go out and do this, try watching Utube videos, my biggest laughs, “a belly laugh I call it”comes from watching videos. There is nothing you can’t find on Utube. Its became my favorite thing to do. Try downloading snapchat  app and play with the filters that make your face look funny, being able to laugh at yourself is a healing process. This is just a few ideals of the things you can do.
  9. Make new friends-going to church was the best way to make friends as well as finding groups to get into of something you enjoy.
  10. Create something- One of my favorite things to do is bullet journaling. Making, drawing and setting up the pages creating graphics makes me feel creative. I also love trying to cook new dishes that’s how the page for tonight’s dinner got started. try scrapbooking that’s fun to. I’m also gonna take up photography by fall, takinga few classes as hubby is going to buy me a new camera, and I have decided I’m either going to take pictures of kids or animals and  start a blog about it. I’m very excited to do this. See there’s many things you can do. This is just an example of them. Start a blog, write about what inspire you.
  11. Appreciate what you have-alway appreciate what you have and be thankful for it.  If you think you have it worse try watching videos of people in poverty or having to live under rules that arent acceptable. It will make you be very thankful for what you have and how your situation is going. Sometimes we need a wakeup call and this is a great way to do it. For others it may be to stressfgul so jsutthink about it before you do  it, byut it halped me at times.
  12. Learn from your mistakes-learning from your mistakes makes for a better you. We have to continue to live and try an learn as much as possible each day.  If you fail don’t be so hard on yourself but instead pull you big girl or boys underwear on move on to something else.
  13. Write down your successes, record your success in journals or blogs, it’s a great way for getting positive compliments, and who doesn’t love  good compliment. This may not work for everyone but it truly has for me.
  14. Clear out physical and emotional clutter-I never processed anything that I physically or emotionally went through. I would push it aside as if it never happen and wouldn’t give it a second thought. It caught up with me many years  and I’m still dealing with it everyday. So please talk about these and get help.
  15. Move your body more-exercise is hard when your going through depression or other mental health problems. Moving your body and not sitting or laying in one place all day is very important. Force yourself to walk even if it to the mailbox or the stop sign at the end of your street. Try anything but you have to move, exercise if you can.
  16. Pursue a hobby find something that is of interest to you. I have always loved reading and writing but over the years my eyes started failing me,but not long ago I got new glasses and have taken back up reading again then writing about it. I spend a lot of time on a site called whatsapp reading short stories of things that interest me and get me to thinking and writing about the subject in a blog I have called, Just Shit I like. (LOL I know its a carzy name but couldn’t think of one so that what I called it as it is truely about shit I like). I recently started this blog so it doesn’t have a lot of pages yet, you can check it out if you like. It does have some news articles that I liked as well on there. This just goes to show you that anything is possible if you put your mind to doing it everyone has something they would like to do and can make a hobby out of it.
  17. Put your phone down and connect with the people you’re with- this is something that really bothers me anymore. When I think of my childhood and earlier years I remember that we actually talked to each other regularly ,  you only picked up a phone for one purpose and that was to call a family member or friend and check on them, and now here we are connecting to total strangers in social media while our families are sitting right beside us needed our attention. I plan on writing about this later tonight  or tomorrow in my blog I just shared with you a bit ago as it’s really a very interesting topic to me and I want to know what causes us to do this. And gonna research it more today and this evening if I can.
  18. Confide in trustworthy people-there are trustworthy people, it may not seem that way if you have trust issues like me. I found that by going to church and getting involved in groups dealing with mental health there are people who are caring and know the hell it is to have mental health issues, who would walk a mile for you when your own family or friends would not.
  19. Treat your mental health with the same importance as your physical health-most us  don’t think taking care of our mental health is important. But it is and there are lots of ways to do that. Google it for ways so you don’t have problems later in life. “Process everything good or bad” that’s my biggest advice to you.. process everything that makes you angry, happy, confused it doesn’t matter, just process it. processing means (dealing with it,attending to it, seeing to it,sorting it out, handling it, most importantly dealing with it.
  20. Slow down-this is hard for me to do sometimes being bipolar and staying in hypomania a lot. I really have to force myself to just slow down and not go  100 miles per hour. The only way I can do that is by what I’m doing right now. Writing about it in hopes to help anyone else going through the hell of a mental health disease like I have now. If I don’t write I simply can’t slow down. It  will unclog my brain and I am able to sit and watch a good movie or read the way I do or not pace, or simply enjoy the company of another person without my mind wandering off to somewhere else.
  21. Ask for help when you need it-its ok to ask for help. We may pride ourselves in not doing this, but don’t..there are lots of people out there including family and friend who will help you with your mental health, unfortantly you just have to play with it and see who does when it comes to family or friends, once you find out this will be your support team that you can rely on when mental issues come up for you.


Remember You don’t have to do it all-you don’t have to try to do or deal with everything in one day.  Having mental health disorders is an exhausting process to go through.There are days when I simply wonder how am I going to get through this day. But I won’t let this disease beat me, instead I am learning to merely adjust my life to where I can deal with it a instead each day.

I simply put one foot in front of the other and I just do it with the mindset that if I  allow this disease to beat me, my life is as good as over for sure.

I may have went through a period in my depression where I thought of death a lot and even invited it to visit me  few times, but now I know that I can get help when I start feeling this way and how and I don’t have to be ashamed of it anymore.

Please take care of your mental health, it’s a big part of wellness for a good life….


Book I’m reading on Mental Health Wellness

Its a great book so far I’m half way into,but it really has a lot of good info.  I got it from amazon and you can to by clicking this link here.

 the book price is $23.58 and so far I think it  is definitely worth its money from what I have already read.


July 14,2018

chicken alfredo ziti.jpg



  • 12 ounces ziti (or any pasta shape)
  • 2 cups shredded, cooked chicken (about 2 small chicken breasts)
  • 1 batch alfredo sauce (see below)
  • 1 1/2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese (I used 2% low fat)
  • (optional toppings: additional shredded Parmesan cheese, chopped fresh parsley)


  • 1 Tbsp. olive oil
  • 4 cloves garlic, minced
  • 3 Tbsp. flour
  • 1 cup chicken broth
  • 1 cup low-fat milk (I used 1%)
  • 3/4 cup freshly-grated Parmesan cheese
  • 1/2 tsp. salt
  • 1/4 tsp. black pepper

*This isn’t a super-saucy dish, so if you like a lot of sauce, you might want to consider doubling this recipe. If you don’t have the time to make your own sauce, one standard-sized jar should be enough.


  1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.
  2. Cook the pasta in a large stockpot of well-salted boiling according to package instructions. Drain. Return pasta to the stockpot and add chicken and alfredo sauce. Gently toss to combine until the pasta is evenly coated.
  3. Pour half of the pasta into a greased baking dish (either an oval baking dish, or a 9 x 13-inch baking dish ). Sprinkle evenly with 1 cup of cheese. Layer the remaining half of the pasta evenly on top. Sprinkle evenly with the remaining 1/2 cup of cheese.
  4. Bake for 20-25 minutes until the cheese is melted and just barely starts to turn golden. Remove and serve immediately, sprinkled with additional toppings if desired.


  1. Heat olive oil in a large sauce pan over medium-high heat. Add garlic and saute one minute, stirring occasionally, until fragrant. Sprinkle with flour, and stir to combine. Saute for an additional minute to cook the flour, stirring occasionally.
  2. Slowly add chicken broth, whisking to combine until smooth. Whisk in milk, and bring the mixture to a simmer. Let cook for an additional minute until thickened, then stir in Parmesan cheese, salt and pepper until the cheese melted. Remove from heat and set aside.
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