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Feeling Some Better About Missouri

Things are coming together little by little now, and my fear is starting to leave me a lot.  Fear is not fun at all. I hate being afraid of things I normally was’t afraid of before. I don’t want to spend my life all  locked up in my house afraid to do anything. I have to live, in fact I must. It’s just someday’s are right down hard to do it. But I’m allowing myself to have a few down fearful days but not many, like I’m told.

Our furniture is finally here all of it  as of today. Yesterday we hung some pictures on the wall in the living room.  We still need to buy bedroom lamps for our night stands, a living room rug, and a few flower assortments to set on coffee table and dining room table and then we should be good. I’m in no hurry for any of this I’m happy things are the way they are now. One of the cool things about our furniture is our night stand have USB ports and so does the living room furniture. They electric recline so they are already powered plugged. All you need to do is have a cord and plug it straight into your furniture, I love it.

I just want to settle in here as best we can and start making friends. I’ve decided that I want ever let anyone get close to me again as it hurts to bad to feel screwed over. I will have friends don’t get me wrong just not friends that I give my heart to 100 %.

I went to church Sunday, and people are definitely not as friendly as they are down south. I guess that is one of the things that I love about the southern people so much is they are so friendly there. Everyone speaks to everyone it seems, whether they know you or not. One of the oddest  things about the church  I’d ever seen was they had policemen there to guard against anyone trying to hurt the church. Never seen that before, not  sure that’s a good thing or bad thing.

My neighbors are nice, when we moved in a few of them came and helped us, sorta blew me away at first never had that happen and felt somewhat strange about it until, the guy who stores his mowing equipment in our garage told us that this neighborhood was nice and people look out for each other here. That’s a big relief for me as I worry everywhere we move to what the neighborhood is like.

One of the biggest things I find hitting me again is worrying about things that are out of my control. I also am having severe nightmare again. Last night I dreamed I murdered someone (who I don’t know) and left evidence behind that linked to me. I was so afraid of going to jail. I awoke very disturbed as it  seemed so real. I would never hurt a soul, why I’d dream such a dream is crazy. I have had a few dreams like  this before. In fact when I’m depressed I dream some very crazy dreams. Some are so vivid and seem so real. Some I wish I could remember all the details as I could write a  good book off them. Some are like a movie by Steven King and some are so wild and unbelievable that it unreal.

Here  are a few pictures  of our new house and furniture. Think I will make me some lunch.  Have a great day everyone, see you soon….

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It’s a small place but so cozy and easy to clean which I love. I can see staying here for a while as long as things continue to go the way they are.

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